


I've Been Sabotaged...

by silverneko9lives0



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Awkwardness, Crack, Gen, Humor, Menstruation, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Love, un-beta'd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-17
Updated: 2014-04-17
Packaged: 2018-01-19 17:12:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1477537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverneko9lives0/pseuds/silverneko9lives0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>...by my baby box.</p><p>My brother and I are weird. We talk about a few things too many that we should probably keep to ourselves. Such as his sex life (which I'd rather not know about...) and my hell-hath-no-fury periods. Somehow, this type of sibling relationship I have with my brother is transferred over to other siblings.</p><p>Including Thorin and Dis.</p><p>Also: my periods are god awful, out of this world painful. More than normal. It's about time I wrote about periods.</p><p>Warnings: Possibly bad writing due to hastiness</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Been Sabotaged...

Thorin wanted to collapse on the couch. It'd been a long day at the forge and he was to tired too try going to his room. But he couldn't take the couch. No. Dis was already there, laying sprawled on her stomach and groaning. 

"Dis?"

She turned to glare at him and Thorin resisted the urge to back away. "Are you..."

"My uterus, at this moment, is squirting blood out of my nether regions," she hissed. "I would advise a hasty retreat if you know what is good for you, Thorin."

Thorin nodded and clicked his tongue. He kind of wanted to just sit on her for old times' sake, but opted against it and sat in a chair. "Do you want tea?"

"I've already had enough tea to make me run for the privy  _three_ times, Thorin. I'm good."

"What about a hot waterskin?"

"Broke. In too much pain to fix it..."

He blinked. Sometimes Thorin didn't know why Dis complained so much about her period. True, he could guess it was awful, but he had told her once that he'd rather bleed out of a vagina and be in incomprehensible pain (to him) than risk a random hard-on at inappropriate times for reasons he couldn't comprehend. To this day, he didn't know what gave him a hard-on at one court session back when they still lived in Erebor. Getting out of court that day had been more difficult than it should have...He was sure Dwalin had _something_ to do with it, but lacked proof.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes. Watch the boys for me until my baby box stops rebelling."

"That's five days from now, Dis."

"Exactly. And get me chocolate."

Thorin nodded, though he knew the chocolate thing would only make his sister more irritable until the worst of the bleeding passed. Dis gasped and shifted to her side, pressing the palm of her hand into her abdomen. Thorin winced.

"You know," he said, "I think I'll take the boys to Dwalin and Balin. How's that?"

"Thorin, just go before I rip your head off."

"Yes, Ma'am." He stood and headed to the door. He paused. "I still don't get why you make such a big deal about it. I'd still rather take the pain of a period than the embarrassment of getting a hard on at random."

"I'll kill you, Thorin."

**Author's Note:**

> Yes. My brother actually told me he'd rather bleed out of a vagina than have a penis once. Kind of hard to forget.


End file.
